My Little Black Memoirs

: porzellan_puppe; December 3rd, 23:16

Especially light hearted and carefree today. Feels good to be so happy! :D Nothing much to blog about. I ran some errands in town, met up with Kai and Dennis for a short while before heading to the library. I found Conversations with God Part 2 & 3! Lucky me, don't need to buy.

Still thinking of what to wear for Zoukout............

Looks like my spiritual life is back on track and I'm stepping out of the fog. It feels GREAT!

I'm gona sit back and just bask in this warm feeling. Go with the flow, you know?

I tried and tried and it's paying off...just reminds me how I have to continue to try and try in other parts of my life no matter how long it takes for me to come through.

Life's not so tough as long as we persevere. There's this Chinese saying: 拿的起, 放的下. If we all master the art of just letting go easily, life will be so much easier.

再见了...

Tags: gibberish

Spiritualism

: porzellan_puppe; December 1st, 23:14

Two books on Spiritualism that I'm hooked on now. I've been reading a lot on the topic lately. First, it started with Brida then these two. I don't believe in coincidences. So naturally I don't believe that I chanced upon these two by accident.

I wasen't looking for any book to read actually. I was walking past a book shelf when these two books instantly caught my eye (same as how it was with Brida).

And just as it is with all these books, I happened upon another book :

I first stumbled upon this book at Borders in the beginning of this year while waiting for a friend. I came across it once more a few months back and for the third time just a day ago at Prologue. Drawn to it the first two times, it was only yesterday though that I managed to read a good number of pages. I'm going to get it!

Luke 11:9 says: "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Many times all it takes is having the courage to make the first move or to take the first step to get what you want or for my case, answers. But what I found out from the last month or so of seeking are answers which I wasn't prepared for.

All three of these books speak strongly of the soul and how we should listen to this wise guide in all things of life. The books speak of spiritualism and science working hand in hand. Of magnetic fields and reincarnation. Of experiences a soul collects and returns in past lives and present.

I am Christian. And Christian teachings deny the existance of reincarnation and ghosts. Probably also a good number of things that are written in these books ( I've yet to finish them). But that has never stopped me from acquiring the knowledge that I seek.

I believe in God. I love Him and I do have a relationship with Him.

I prayed for answers and I'm getting answers that I believe are God given.

Check these out:

SynchroDestiny: http://www.cygnus-books.co.uk/synchrodestiny-deepak-chopra-p13580.html

The Boy Who Saw True: http://www.holisticshop.co.uk/itemdetl.php?itemprcd=THE_B_WHO

Conversations with God: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversations_with_God

Tags: gibberish

Bonds

: porzellan_puppe; November 25th, 13:58

My dear friend is wondering if there are certain people in life we're bonded to. He believes that there are times we just know that the person is in trouble and we'll feel a need to help that person.

Hmm...perhaps. God knows I've felt that way one too many times!

But I think that it's important not to delve too deep into the matter. You won't get answers on why anyway. If there is a need to help then by all means, we should do what we feel is right.

Personally, I do believe in bonds and soul ties. But to really think and try to study the idea is pointless.

Tags: ramblings

The Pot of Gold

: porzellan_puppe; November 23rd, 20:11

Back on my feet! It's tough being a woman! >_<"

Attended church on Sunday with Jon and it felt great! And so He speaks again. I always feel much improved after spending time with God. So, the sun is shining again and the birds are singing a sweet melody.

The thought of smelling the roses again fills my head. There's a rainbow out there waiting for me to journey across it and at the end of it, there's a big pot of gold (happiness!).

Tags: ramblings

希望の殺害

: porzellan_puppe; November 22nd, 1:27

Sometimes life has to continue even if you don't want it to. People move on even if you don't, things carry on, days go by...even if memories still linger.

Sometimes we have to test Fate even if we don't want to. The dreams may come, the string still knotted, that burning emotion felt deep within...even if there's still so much love.

Christmas lights are up in town. Magical icy blue lights sparkling up bushes, lighting up even the darkest of black. If this heart were to stop beating one day, I wonder who will care? Cold winters' night, silent musings of irrelevant thoughts...shimmery hope...the devil in little details.

You can still let go even when there's hope. As surely as the millions of shining stars dotting the vast sky, God's plan for us is absolute, only changing as and when we decide to switch paths ourselves. But some things are fixed.

Today, I let a bird go. Tonight, he flew away.

Conflicting tidal waves of anguish and love. Both brought about by each other. A loath to see everything just slip away, stealing into the night. Mountains to climb, forest paths to trudge through, disappointments to get over, hopes that gets crushed and resurrected. Wishes waiting to be granted and prayers dying to be answered. Have mercy, my Father, too hard a beating will kill anyone.

Long ago, in primary school, P.E.T.S was our english textbook of stories. One story was about a curious old bride. Do you remember?

希望の殺害

Tags: gibberish

If I Never Knew You

: porzellan_puppe; November 21st, 13:14

Current Mood:: gloomy

If I Never Knew You

If I never knew you
If i never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me.

In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes

And I'm so grateful to you
I'd hve lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true

I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
all they'd leave us were these wispers in the night
But still my heart is saying we were right

Oh if I never knew you
There's no moment I regret
If i never felt this love
Since the moment that we met
I would have no inkling of
If our time has gone too fast
How precious life can be...
I've lived at last...

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright
I thought our love wuold be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light
And still my heart is saying we were right
we were right

And if I never knew you
If I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Empty as the sky
Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you

私は…さようなら永久に愛する

They say true love is suicide...

Tags: gibberish

If You Should Go - Armin Van Buuren

: porzellan_puppe; November 15th, 17:22

Current Mood:: calm

A troubled mind in search
Of a bright neon bay
I swim to shore
The only route to take
Is perfection itself
The stars lead the way

As waves make oceans complete
Fate is the shell of my beat
O how I feel all that I need
Under my thoughts under my fears

Little things I know they're real

They make my soul complete

Little things and all they bring
Are fragments bitter sweet

Little things not everything
'Cause glitter is no goal
Simple things are all I need
a friend to guide to hold

If you should go
(Go now)

I find myself alone
With no center no home
But I won't close my eyes
The thing I love the most
I'm letting you go
But I won't give up hope

Tags: song

Brida

: porzellan_puppe; November 15th, 12:50

Current Mood:: sad

Brida is about an Irish girl who seeks and learns witchcraft. On her journey, she learns a myraid of interesting things. Not just spells but most importantly, life skills interwoven with God. Well, this is my interpretation of the book anyway.

She chose this path in the beginning with a purpose in mind to recognise her soulmate. But along the way, she learnt to open her mind and eyes to see beyond the physical and into the spiritual world.

I find this book (like all his others) fascinating! The story left me with questions erased and ingrained in me what I learnt through my own journey with God last year but had chose to forget.

Be still...be still and know He is God.

Í don't wonder if those magical things happened once or not. Sometimes, certain things happen with such intensity and out of this world propensity that we look back and question if it did transpire before. As time goes by, we decide that it didn't happen because of how impossible it seems.

But it did.

Nothing can erase that.

Here's a few quotes from the book that touched a part of my soul:

No desire is vain and no request is futile (with God). - The Magus

I've always had too vivid an imagination. - Brida

What is now proved was once only imagine'd. - William Blake

You will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you. - The Magus

Love is liberty. - The Magus

***

No words, no talk, we'll go dreaming...
No pain, no hurt, we'll go dreaming....

If We Hold On Together

: porzellan_puppe; November 13th, 2:42

Current Mood:: calm

Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

Tags: song

The Last Samurai

: porzellan_puppe; November 9th, 23:53

Current Mood:: chipper

Stayed in to watch this movie earlier on and it was one hellava fantastic watch! The determination and the fighting spirit of the characters gave me pause. It was so touching and weighed upon my soul long after the movie ended.

It is truly admirable and worthy of respect to see someone never give up on something they believe in. Of course, there are times we must learn that giving up is the wiser option but to have that grit to fight for a cause no matter what, is deserving of some form of respect, may it be for good or bad reasons.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Samurai

Tags: movies

~Beautiful Women ~ Li Bing Bing

: porzellan_puppe; November 8th, 17:08

I think she's gorgeous! This pretty face hails from Mainland China. Her appeal is how naturally beautiful she is even with little make-up. Effortlessly chic and elegantly classic, her features are a dream! Lol...I sound like those wacky fans!

Tags: eye spy

Can't Sleep Again...

: porzellan_puppe; November 7th, 3:12

Current Mood:: indescribable

One of those nights, when life seems overwhelming and all you feel like doing is letting go. When thoughts become too much to bare.

We're given choices in life. We are our own commanders to choose and steer our own course in life. Yet why is it that for some people, they are unable to escape the vicious cycle of tragic routes and bad choices? External factors play a part. The people around us as we are growing up, the circumstances surrounding us as well as an inborn mentality nurtured by our family.

Why is it that some people eventually ' wake up' and some don't no matter how many falls they take?

It's a good thing...this questioning that I have...this desire to question and seek an answer even though I may never find it. It's good because I am becoming more like me again.

For the past few months, I'd become vacant. Void. I became nothing but a husk. And now the restlessness and the questions have began again. Strangely, it makes me feel alive.

You make me feel alive too. What a wierd catalyst. Who would have thought?

The song below(Here on Earth by Tiesto) is slowly getting under my skin:

おもいで...私は愛することを止めることができない.

Tags: ramblings

The Day of the Dead

: porzellan_puppe; November 1st, 23:19

It's All Saints' Day today. The Family went to clean the graves of our deceased. As with every year, Pa went with my granduncle, aunts and uncles to carry out this custom. It's funny how he never tells my sister and I or sometimes even Ma. He just slips away silently in the morning and returns in the evening without a word.

As such, neither me or my sister has ever been to our older sisters' grave to visit. I doubt my younger sis even knows Ann ever existed.

I wonder about death. I don't fear it. If I were to die tomorrow, I'll have no regrets. What I do fear is how death will come. Will it come swiftly or will it creep up on me?

It's a warped topic to discuss but I will always find it interesting.

I guess, when a person passes on, it is his loved ones that suffer the most. The pain of losing someone you love is the most terribly torturing thing that can be unbearable.

When God called out to the man stuck on the cliff to let go, he didn't dare to and in a lot of ways, I am exactly like that man. I don't think I can bare it if someone I love died on me. He has gone to a better place? Yeah sure....But....Why can't I go too? Anything but to bare the grief.

Tags: ramblings

If wishes could come true...

: porzellan_puppe; October 30th, 0:11

It's a beautiful night. The air smells sweet and clean. Fingers of chill wrap themselves around me as I sit by my window, occasionally gazing out to enjoy the peace and stillness. I love the silence, I love the solitude and most of all I love how the night inspires me. There are stars twinkling out in the velvety, dark sky. Maybe I can't see millions of them, many are probably hidden but those few dotted around are good enough for me.

Once in a while, I'll travel to another country and exclaim at how wonderful it is to see billions of stars instead of the rare few in SG. But I guess I find it beautiful only because I don't see something like that often.

I love nights like these. When the mood is right and the feeling is perfect.

Many things to think about and many answers revealed to me by God. Eyes forced open and soul growing wiser. I feel liberated and free tonight. Just like that. All of a sudden. It feels great!

It would feel even better if I had a car and can drive myself to my favourite spot at my favourite island right now. I would watch the lallang sway in the gentle breeze and count the stars. I will feel the cold sea wind but it wouldn't matter if I was freezing coz there would be a calm and serenity that will fill my soul.

I wish this dream will never end and I will bask in this state forever. Like a gentle buzz embracing me and a high that only God can give me. Do you believe in miracles?

I am like nobody but just like everybody.

Tags: ramblings

Restlessness

: porzellan_puppe; October 29th, 17:48

Restlessness is a fickle catalyst; it can drive you to achieve or it can coax your demise, and sometimes the choice isn't yours. - Slash

It's all in your mind right? Control it, right? Guess not. At least not all the time. :)

Tags: ramblings

Until The Day I Die

: porzellan_puppe; October 19th, 19:05

When the rain doesn't stop falling
I think about you
Embracing this feeling
That will never reach you
I let it float
Upon a desolate melody
Counting the raindrops
Into the midst of the night

Why do I suddenly remember
A melancholy tune I heard long ago?

My heart doesn't stop raining
And you're swaying and fading
But my voice still wavers
... just for you

What are all these tears for?
We were all probably too pure...
Why did we long for each other so much?
But let's end it right here and now...

My heart won't stop raining
And you're swaying and fading
But my voice will sing for you forever...
...until the day I die

I don't want desolation to reach you
I don't want it to reach your beauty
I don't want you to go away...

***

I used to love this song so much! But it gradually faded into my memory as time went by. The tunes of the song popped into my head again suddenly and I just had to listen to it once more. Ryuichi's voice is amazing! I heart Luna Sea. :)

Tags: song

Destiny

: porzellan_puppe; October 19th, 1:45

Life is unpredictable. We all know it but can't change that fact. The best way is to accept whatever life throws at you and make the best out of it. Make the best decisions you know how and take it in your stride. What's to know that God has better plans for you? No matter how we struggle, how we beat our fists against our chests in frustration and despair, there are some things in life we can never change and not for lack of trying.

Sometimes, no matter how you try, things just don't go your way. It's human nature to question oneself: "Why? What am I doing wrong?" Perhaps you're focussing on the wrong objective. Perhaps you thought it was the best darn strategy....but is it? A friend mentioned tonight that everyone should think out of the box. Always. I agree.

Yet, at times, things get so overwhelming, so negative that we lose sight of looking at the bigger picture and become one tracked. We get so stubborn that we just don't realise that we're wasting our efforts on insignificant things. There are times when the solution is right under our noses and we fail to see it! Because we don't want to!

Locked in our dream world, blinded by emotion or the lust for success, we're unable to see the correct path we should walk.

How many of us will fall before we realise our folly? How many times must we fall before we learn? How bad will the fall be before we learn?

Sadly, some of us never recover from that fall. Sadly, some of us never realise what we've been doing wrong. Sadly...

***

Loving comes from looking

Tags: ramblings

Does God Exist?

: porzellan_puppe; October 18th, 7:52

Tags: ramblings

Above & Beyond On a Good Day

: porzellan_puppe; October 15th, 1:02

Little bit lost and...
A little bit lonely
Little bit cold here
A little bit feared

But I hold on
And I
Feel strong
And I
Know that I can

Getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who I am

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me
On a good day

And it feels like me
On a good day

I'm a little bit hemmed in
A little bit isolated
A little bit hopeful
A little bit cold

But I hold on
And I
Feel strong
And I
Know that I can

Getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who I am

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter...

And it feels like me
On a good day

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me
On a good day

* * *

Insecure Security

Break the chains that bind so tight,
Free me from mortality.
The neverseeming darkness,
Like shadows never fading.

No struggle can set me free,
an invisible prison.
Deep within I build a wall,
Make sure no one breaches it.

No, nothing can touch me now.
I lie in my shell haven.
Insecure security,
Morbid allure draws me close.

You eventually become like the people you mix around with....

Tags: poems, song

Society's Respect

: porzellan_puppe; October 11th, 21:29

Feeling rejuvenated and at peace. Gigglingly happy and wonderously contented....for the moment. I see myself entering yet another new phase of life. The urge to achieve long forgotten ambitions have arisen once more. I guess it has always been me to set goals and achieve them. Ants in my pants at the thought of not having anything to do or succeed in!

With that sorted out, I feel as light as a feather and as free as a bird once more. I'm beginning to feel more like who I truly am. With my head set firmly back on my shoulders , I feel as if I can take on the world! BUT I don't think it's as simple as that. Gota start from scratch to prove myself again. LOL...Don't I just love challenges!

It feels like 2007 again, when I sat on that couch at Hotel Intercontinental and told Bel that I'm going to be the best darn manager where I was working at that time. Back then, I had just graduated. I achieved the position I wanted before the year was up and worked my way well til 2008. I could have done better in my role and allowed useless, external factors to get in my way eventually.

I was young and immature. I had the stars in my eyes and my head in the clouds. I took an uncalculated risk and lost sight of my goal. Gave everything up BUT I'm awakening. Snap! Snap! And suddenly I see everything so clearly. Funny. Why could it not have been way earlier? This 'awakening' ? Would have saved me a whole lot of heartbreak and wasted opportunities!

Ah well...now I'm just frantically trying to recoup my losses and gain back Society's respect as well as my status.

Tags: ramblings

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My Little Black Memoirs

Dedicated to God, my loved ones and I

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